Casey on the Case AKA Mommy Extraordinaire
by FlowerPot21
Summary: Casey's blog...five years later. Chester/Casey, Elliot/Kathy, some OFCs.
1. April 2 thru 7 2012

Casey on the Case AKA Mommy Extraordinaire

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Full Name:

Casey Joan-Marie Lake

**Profile: **My name's Casey, I'm thirty six years old (AHHHHHH!), I'm a former prosecutor turned stay-at-home mom of three, and I **still** have no social life (at least not with anyone older than the ages of four or five). I've been happily married to Chester, my husband of five years and we live in a tidy little suburb in the Bronx with our three incredible kids Samantha (4), Adam (3), and Matthew (1).

**Interests: **My kids, books, sewing, knitting, cooking, Virginia, beauty, music, hiking, biking, running,

marriage

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Favorite Websites:

ParentPlace, Wikipedia, WebMd, CatholicLiving, Bliss

**Archives:**

April 2012

-- Just in Case You're _Still_ Interested in My Life…

-- Meet Mini-Me, Drama King, and Hand-to-Mouth AKA My Husband's Three Offspring

-- Dinner With My Dad and EB #3

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Just in Case You're _Still_ Interested in My Life…

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Monday, April 2

Wow, this site has changed a lot since I've last been on it. I actually forgot my screen name and my password and I had to actually email the moderators for this blog site to get my old stuff back. Of course, it took them like three days to get back to me, but when they finally did, I was so excited because I had forgotten what a stress reliever blogging is!

I can't believe it's been five years since I've seen my other blog. I actually laughed out loud and Chester looked at me like 'what the hell?' and I told him that back when I was ADA I actually found the time to blog. I don't see how I'm going to find the time now, but I'll try.

So, just to catch up anyone who even might be remotely interested in my life (not to say that my life is boring. I totally love it) here's a little rundown of what's been happening over the last five years:

Chester and I dated for eight months.

We got married at St. Jerome's Catholic Church June 10, 2008.

We bought our house together about three months later.

A year later, we found out that I was pregnant with Samantha.

My dad and EB #3 decided to move to New York and make mine and Chester's life a living hell.

Elliot transferred out of Manhattan SVU and joined Queens Homicide.

Olivia got pregnant and had a baby girl named Serena Grace, who is now three years old.

Fin is still Chester's partner.

Munch finally retired and moved to where else? Sunny Baltimore.

Cragen also retired and he moved to New Hampshire with his new wife, Geneva.

Then came Adam.

Then came Matty.

Phew! So, that's the last five years in a nutshell and hwoutoiehvdjkhtuerwqyhio19348932yut942qnfgkelw'qjgk'ut94hqghjtgju4hty4t

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Sorry about that. Matthew is _supposed_ to be taking a nap, but he's being stubborn today…one of his less endearing qualities that he inherited from me.

Well, I guess I just pick up where I left off huh? Only this time I have a husband and three kids in tow. Ha!

Posted by: SweetieMama 1:34 PM EDT 7 Comments Submit Report Of this Post

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Meet Mini-Me, Drama King, and Hand-to-Mouth AKA My Husband's Three Offspring

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Wednesday, April 4

(Yawning)

I'm writing a little early because I have a busy day ahead of me. Samantha has a doctor's appointment because she's been coughing a lot lately and I'm getting worried, then I have to go shopping for both Sam and Adam because for some odd reason, none of their shoes seem to fit right, then I have to go to the dentist, and then of course, I have to do the dreaded grocery shopping because it's my turn this time.

Chester and I switch off on who's going to do the grocery shopping on what day.

I'm just grateful that even though my kids are a handful, they're good kids. A lot of people say that they're very well disciplined and polite.

Yeah…when they want to be. At home, they're little wild children.

My little ones are so adorable and this is the first of probably many posts about them because they are just my heart and joy.

So here's the skinny on my little beans:

Mini-Me: Amanda is four years old and it's scary how much like me she is. She's got my red hair, but she looks just like her daddy. Even though she looks just like him, she acts exactly like me. She's stubborn, outspoken, spunky, and she's bossy. She takes charge over her little brothers and sometimes she can be a bit confrontational. I have no idea how to reign her in, but I'm learning as we go along. She is certainly more attached to Chester than to me, which is good because girls need their fathers.

Drama King: Adam is three and a very smart little boy. He loves to read and think, and he loves to build things. Of course, he and his sister only manage to get along when they're being mischievous. Not only is he smart, but he's so funny and animated, especially when he's trying to get his way or get out of trouble. But when he gets mad…he whines, he cries, he pokes out his lower lip and crosses his arms over his chest. If it weren't so cute and dramatic, I would be more stern with him, but all me and Chester do is laugh.

Hand-to-Mouth: At one year old, Matthew is a walking, crawling, running ball of energy, and everything he picks up along his way, goes straight into his mouth and I am _freaked_. _Out_. The other day, I saw his little chompers working over time and I wondered what the heck he was gnawing on. I picked him up and scooped in his mouth with my finger and it was a dead moth. I literally shivered as I threw out the moth and then I called our pediatrician. I thought my baby was going to get some kind of infection or disease, but my fears were unfounded. Dr. Maynard said that Matty would be fine. A little dirt can't hurt.

So, those are our little beans. I have tons of pictures of them, but I never get around to downloading them onto the computer so that I can show the world just how cute and beautiful they are. I have to say though that my hubby is quite the shutter bug. He takes pictures almost everyday, and the kids love it, but I don't because he's always catching me while I'm cooking, or when I'm folding laundry, or when I'm like in my pajamas not looking my best with two out of three kids hanging off me.

Gotta go. Hubby just got out of the shower. I better seize the moment. (wink wink)

Posted by: SweetieMama 6:15 AM EDT 10 Comments Submit Report Of This Post

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Dinner With My Dad and EB #3

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Saturday, April 7

I love my dad.

I love my brothers.

I love my husband.

I love our children.

So you see, I'm not a bad person. I have a lot of love to give. There are people in my life that I hold in the utmost regard. There are people that I respect and look to for guidance. I am a good, loving person, and those are two redeeming qualities because…

I **HATE** my step-mother, the EB #3.

What worse situation could there be than to have to share yet another meal with _her_? I hope she didn't like freakin' poison my plate or something.

My dad always says that I'm being childish, and maybe I am, but I keep telling him that he could do so much better. I mean, where does he find these women?

Hell, I despise my step-mother so much, it makes me wish my dad had stayed with Winona. Of course, I'm willing to admit that I was no angel when she came around, but she wasn't daddy's type. She wasn't interested in him, or us kids. I honestly don't know what she wanted. It wasn't his money because she was a very tight fisted woman. But I'd prefer her to Delilah.

Ah, Delilah Swiddle. More like _Swindle_. She spends my dad's money like it's going out of style, and she has no respect for him at all.

I guess the thing that pisses me off most is that my dad's marital track record makes our family _so cliché_ and it's quite embarrassing. I wish that he'd find a woman that really truly loves him for who he is, not his money. I want him to be with a woman that will truly be a wife to him, and a good step-mother to his children. Of course, no woman will ever take the place of my mom, but he could at least get close to her, right?

In the long run Chester helped me realize that it's not up to me and that I shouldn't place my expectations on my dad or my step-mother. It's my dad's prerogative to marry whomever he chooses and that I don't have a right to interfere.

He is absolutely right, but that doesn't stop me from hating her.

So anyway, my dad called and invited us over for dinner.

My dad and Delilah live in a condo in the Upper East Side of New York City. It's a nice condo, big enough for the two of them and when the kids come to spend the night. Although I still have mixed feelings about my dad selling the house…I loved that house.

My brothers didn't like the idea, but they rolled with the punches too, so I know I have to.

To mine and Chester's relief, Delilah finally found the good sense to hire a fulltime chef because neither she nor my dad can cook very well. The chef served up the most delicious chicken rollups and the rice was so good…the meal was great, the conversation wasn't.

My dad and Chester get on just fine. They watch sports together, throw back a few beers, play chess, and discuss the latest in the news. They get on like long lost best buddies. Usually when we have dinners together, they retreat somewhere else, and I hate that Chester and dad leave me and Delilah in the same room alone with each other.

So while we ate dinner, I joined in conversation with Chester and my dad, completely ignoring Delilah. Anything she had to say, I would just dismiss.

That is until she tried to make Samantha eat something she didn't want to eat. Samantha is a very picky eater, and she's not like the typical kid her age. She doesn't like sweets, she doesn't like to drink anything else except apple juice, milk, and water, she loves any kind of vegetable you give her, and fruit but she's not much of a meat eater. So it came as no surprise that when the chef gave her a pepperoni pizza that she didn't really want it.

I told her to go ahead and eat her vegetables and have some salad. But Delilah insisted on making her eat that damn pizza. So EB and I started arguing about that and Chester was trying to get me to calm down.

Well Samantha thought she was being slick, but I saw her trying to feed my dad's dog Bupkis the pizza and unfortunately, she dropped the whole greasy thing onto the three thousand dollar rug.

Delilah was furious, and she yelled at Samantha for it and made my baby cry, which broke my heart because it's very rare that Samantha actually cries. She gets mad, but she doesn't cry, so to see her shed tears just…killed me.

Delilah has a temper, and so I never let my kids stay over or spend the night unless my dad is there with her because Delilah doesn't have any other children beside her underachieving son, and it's obvious that she never really took an interest in him except only to punish him, which she can't do the right way.

I told Delilah to never yell at any of my kids and then she told me that my kids were out of control. I thought, Is she kidding? Then she said that I should pay for the rug, and I said that we'll pay to have it cleaned. That didn't satisfy her and then she started the waterworks and complained how we never got along, that she always wanted a daughter…

In response I said, "Delilah, you're so full of shit."

She turned beet red, and told us to leave and informed me that with the exception of Chester and my children, I was no longer welcome in her home, which was fine with me.

I felt like a tribal warrior and I felt like going up to the rooftops and shouting my victory. But the high didn't last long because Chester was furious with me.

He reminded me that I'm a thirty six year old woman (a fact of which I'm painfully aware) and that I shouldn't be acting like a child and I shouldn't disrespect EB or my dad in their house, no matter what she does to aggravate me.

I decided that he was right. I didn't care about disrespecting Delilah, but I did disrespect my dad, and I love my dad to pieces, so I felt bad.

So now tomorrow, I have the task of calling Delilah and apologizing on behalf of Samantha and for my behavior and tell her that we will pay to get the rug cleaned, much as it will pain me to do.

I'm not a bad person. I'm capable of eating some humble pie.

Yep…just another lovely family dinner.

I freakin' wish.

Posted by: SweetieMama 11:15 PM EDT 11 Comments Submit a Report Of This Post


	2. April 9 Thru 13 2012

Casey on the Case AKA Mommy Extraordinaire

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Archives:

April 2012

-- Just in Case You're _Still_ Interested in My Life…

-- Meet Mini-Me, Drama King, and Hand-to-Mouth AKA My Husband's Three Offspring

-- Dinner With My Dad and EB #3

-- Such a Man

-- Chalk Monsters

-- Hubby's Birthday!

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Such a Man

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Monday, April 9

Okay, I know that this has got to be a man thing. It's practically epidemical the way men simply DO NOT LISTEN. At least, not actively. They have selective hearing. I imagine that to Chester, I sometimes sound like that teacher, you know. From Charlie Brown? The one that goes um…mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah and you can't understand what he/she is saying?

Now, I can see how that's perfectly understandable because I'll just come right out and say it: I can be a control freak and a nag, so I'm pretty sure that most evenings when he comes home from work, the last thing he wants to hear is my mouth when I'm upset about something that he didn't do.

But in this case, he could have avoided a whole lot of drama from me (yet I still wonder where Adam gets his dramatic tendencies from) and had a nice, peaceful evening.

I called Chester at work and told him that I needed him to stop by the store and pick up some more sippy cups for Matty, Cream of Wheat, and those little scent pearls for the disposal in the sink because my Lord, it smelled so terrible the other day, let me tell ya.

I went in the kitchen yesterday and it smelled like sour milk and fish sticks. Of course, Chester denied smelling anything, but I know better. We put everything down that disposal.

Anyway, I told Chester that I wanted him to pay with the cash I won from this crazy contest in the NY Times. It was something to the effect of quirky trivia, and I won. It was a small prize, only twenty bucks, but I figured, hey, I'll take it.

Now I carry cash, but Chester doesn't so I put the twenty in his wallet so he wouldn't forget.

Well, he came home and his hands were empty and I was completely flabbergasted. I asked him what happened to going to the store, and he looked at me like I had ten heads. I reminded him that I asked him to go to the store earlier this afternoon and he gave me this blank stare and it was clear that when I called him, he had been distracted. I should have known when he said 'Sure honey.' He never calls me honey.

He always calls me sweetie and I call him babe.

I asked him what happened and he said he didn't remember any mention of the store. Then I asked him what happened to the twenty bucks I gave him and he said he used it to buy lunch for the squad. At that point I was quite upset that he didn't listen to me at all. I mean, my words literally went through one ear and out the other.

It's not like I'm naïve or anything like that. I know that sometimes, there are going to be cases that take up a lot of his time, energy and concentration. I know because I used to work for SVU, so I understand that happens.

But.

I'm his wife. And there's something to be said about the times where he can't even stop for a moment and consciously listen to what I have to say, even if it's just an 'I love you.' I'm not blaming him, it's just a bit annoying.

But Chester's sweet though. He apologized and now he's at the store for me.

God, I love that man.

Posted by: SweetieMama 9:00 PM EDT 15 Comments Submit Report Of This Post

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Chalk Monsters

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Thursday, April 12

My Kids + chalk ONE BIG MESS

I've bought the kids sidewalk chalk before and they've never made as big a mess that they've made this afternoon. They made a mess on themselves and me.

Of course when Chester got home he thought the driveway, the sidewalk and the steps to our front porch were beautiful, but he doesn't even know half the story.

Samantha decided that she wanted to smash up some of the chalk and put the pieces in water because she thought she was making watercolors. I was okay with it at first because I'm thinking what could she possibly do with that, you know? But her and Adam's inventive little minds decided that they'd make themselves and Matty just a little cuter than what they already are. First she took the little paint brushes and she started painting on her little brothers, then she and Adam started putting chalk on each other's faces and Matthew's face and my face.

After about thirty minutes, they got to rolling around in the chalk dust and putting their chalky little hands all over me. They made nice pictures of rainbows, our house, of themselves, and Matthew just made colorful lines.

The best part of the day was just seeing their happy little faces.

It was a perfect day to be outside. It was nice and sunny and not too hot, not too cold.

I love my kids so much because they always make me realize how much I really want this life: being a wife, being a mother. This life is always what I wanted.

Do I love being chalked up?

Heck yeah!

I swear, chalk was everywhere. All over me, all over the kids.

Matty took it a step further and began to try and eat the chalk like it was candy. It was so funny because when he first stuck the chalk into his mouth, he scrunched up his little face and shook his head and I thought that perhaps he wouldn't do it again, but I guess he thought about it for a moment because then he stuck out his tongue and then the chalk took its rightful place back in his mouth.

Adam followed suit and began to lick his fingers.

I stopped them both, of course.

Samantha poured the chalk water all over her brothers and Adam splashed chalk water all over her.

Afterward, we all went inside and they immediately went to the bath tub. It was a great afternoon, but never have I been so grateful for naptime.

Naptime Mommy time.

I took a hot shower, washed my hair, and then I plopped on the couch and indulged in those chocolate marshmallow cakes. So good.

For a treat, I made them my French Fry casserole which is their favorite, but I only make it maybe once a month because it is so full of grease and fat…it's disgustingly good and Chester and the kids love it.

Samantha and Adam helped me make it. Sam kept giving Matty little pieces of French fry and of course, Matty accepted.

It was embarrassing though because I was making funny faces and dancing like I'm retarded for my kids, who were laughing it up, and of course, Chester walked in and there I was cross-eyed and sticking my tongue out and shaking my slightly out of shape goodies like a crazy person and Sam didn't even warn me.

Usually I'm all dressed and pretty for hubby when he gets home, but today I was in my robe, had frizzy, wavy damp hair and acting crazy to boot.

Good thing Chester's not shallow. He gave me a pretty hot kiss and I told him later. Which is now.

Today was a really great day.

Nighty-night!

Posted by: SweetieMama 9:15 PM EDT 13 Comments Submit Report Of This Post

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Hubby's Birthday!

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Friday, April 13

I am SO excited! Today is my hubby's birthday and I can't wait until tonight! He has to work today, which is a major bummer, but I worked around it. I planned a little weekend get away for his birthday this year and it is going to be so unbelievably great. I found this great bread and breakfast in upstate New York and it is gorgeous! It's a surprise, so I'm going to tell him where we're going over dinner.

On top of that surprise, I have another, slightly X-rated surprise for him too.

But I'll get to that later.

Anyway, Chester's been kind of stressed lately so I thought it would be good for him and for us to get away for a couple of days. No kids, no work, no stress. Just peace and quiet, and hopefully lots of sex.

I'm surprised that I was able to keep a secret for so long! I'm proud of myself.

Anyway, the kids and I are going to make special cupcakes, each of us with our own little special decoration on it, and then they're going to make their own birthday cards for their daddy. They are so excited and I can't wait to get them started.

I can't believe my husband's 38.

Just two years shy of the big 4-oh and it's so funny. People always tell us that we still look thirty, which is a great compliment.

Some people get very conscientious of their age and how they look, but I like my lines. I mean, I've nothing against looking good as one gets older, but I'm not freaking out when I see a wrinkle. Wrinkles are like a rite of passage, it's symbolic of wisdom and experience. Even though Chester is 38, he still looks damn good to me and I'm willing to make more beautiful babies with him I am that hot for him, right now even as I'm writing this post!

(Fanning myself) Okay.

Birthdays in our house are always great. In fact, it's not only birthdays, its holidays and celebrations too. With the exception of Halloween. People think we're weird because we don't celebrate Halloween. All the other children on our street and in the neighborhood do, and so they just pass right on by our house. Truth be told, I stopped celebrating Halloween when I was maybe fifteen or sixteen. I thought it was silly.

Chester doesn't celebrate it because he never celebrated it as a kid, so…

But it's no big deal. Our kids aren't missing out on anything but rotten teeth.

Every other holiday is fair game though. Christmas, Easter, New Years etc…but our birthdays are the absolute best. While I'm willing to freely admit that yes, Chester and I did go a little overboard on Matthew's birthday, but it was so fun and Matty had the best time. He is a happy little boy. Nothing can get him down.

God, I can't believe how excited I am about tonight! Especially since his very special gift from me is the appearance of Dirty Cowgirl.

It's a little game we play once every…I don't know, maybe three to four months because we really have to plan for it, it's that elaborate, but still fun.

I know what you're thinking.

We've got to keep our love life spicy somehow! I like to think we still have a pretty exciting sex life, even after three children. I mean, don't get me wrong, sometimes we're both way too tired to do anything, but when the spirit moves us, it's pretty hot.

Why am I posting about my sex life with my husband? Dear Jesus…

So, in a nutshell, today's going to be filled with cupcakes, kisses, lovely kids, and (best part)…one proud and happy hubby!

Posted by: SweetieMama 8:47 AM EDT 20 Comments Submit Report Of This Post


	3. May 11 Thru June 4 2012

Casey on the Case AKA Mommy Extraordinaire

**Archives:**

April 2012

May 2012

-- Sack 'O Beans

-- Decisions, Decisions

-- That Darn Disposal!

June

-- A Funeral

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Sack 'O Beans

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Friday, May 11

You know that saying, "April showers bring May flowers"? Well, I wonder what May showers bring. It has been raining most of the day, and now it's a raging storm. It is late, a little after eleven.

There was this HUGE clap of thunder and then lightning struck, and it set our alarm off.

Our alarm is loud, which I suppose it should be, but sometimes I think it's absolutely too loud. I guess that's a motivator to haul ass out the house in a real emergency just to escape the noise. Anyways, once Chester reset the alarm, and got me two aspirin, he got back into bed and settled in again.

About two minutes later, our bedroom door creaked open…

Our door creaks. It is in desperate need of some WD-40 and a paint job…and some new hinges…

Crap, now I'm going all Home-Depot. I never get tired of that store. Our house was built in 1949, so it's pretty old. While most of it is refurbished, there's still some handy work to be done every once in a while.

So.

Our door creaked open, and here come the kids trailing in one by one, Samantha first and foremost because it's ladies first, then Adam, and then Matty came hobbling in, crying and holding his arms out because he was afraid of the storm. Chester got up and picked up Matty and he calmed down the moment he got some attention from his daddy. He was still whining though, and he was missing his pacifier, but Adam and Samantha, however, came prepared.

Adam had his favorite stuffed frog, and Samantha had her blanket and cup of water in her hands.

Yep, it was Camp Out In Mommy and Daddy's Room Night.

And now, here we all are, huddled in the bed, the kids between me and hubby. Yep, we've got a sack 'o beans and it's so great, although it makes Mommy and Daddy Moments kind of difficult because we have to reach over the kids to kiss or hold hands or whatever.

But it's kind of funny because me and Chester are both up now, and he's reading a book and I'm blogging, and it's not uncomfortable at all. The kids are sleeping peacefully, and seeing my little beans make me think of well…beans.

I found this really good recipe for black bean soup, and I think I should make it tomorrow for dinner.

But I remember my Grandma Louise used to go to like these old time grocers in Virginia, and one day she brought home a truck full of sacks of things…beans, pure cane sugar, coffee beans, salt, potatoes. My grandparents owned a farm, and me and my brothers would go visit her a lot when we were growing up. She died when I was ten and my Grandpa Noel died when I was twelve, and we had to give their farm over to another family in need, but before they died, I remember seeing my Grandpa Noel driving up the road in his beat up old Ford, the back of it weighted down with sacks of things.

For my grandparents, things were always simple.

Grandpa Noel would always tell us, "Life is hard, so make the living simple."

I take his advice to heart.

Posted by: SweetieMama 11:39 PM EDT 8 Comments Submit Report Of This Post

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Decisions, Decisions

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Monday, May 14

Little kids are picky.

It's just in their nature because trying new things is a part of that stage in their lives. Of course, the choices they have to make are not that serious, especially when it comes to their little taste buds, and sometimes I envy them because for my little ones, things are just that simple.

Unfortunately, I am an adult, and I must make some tough decisions and Chester has to make some tough decisions that will impact our marriage, our kids, the way we live. Neither of us can afford to be picky when it comes to our responsibilities. We can't pick and choose what we do and do not want to do.

So…

About two months ago, Chester told me something concerning our kids that I didn't know that he wanted to do before. We talked a lot about having children and how we wanted to raise them even before we got married.

We wanted to raise them Catholic, we wanted them growing up knowing their grandparents, growing up open-minded, we wanted to raise them knowing about their heritage, and of course raise them to read and explore their world.

We never talked about school.

I had my own ideas, and he had his.

I naturally just thought that sending them to public school was best because I went to public school when I was growing up, even though it pains me to think about the first day Sam and Adam go to school. It's a sign that they are growing up.

Samantha will be five next year, and I was thinking, okay, straight to kindergarten at public school.

Chester was thinking home school.

Boy if that wasn't the BIGGEST curveball ever.

I had no idea, and I was truly, utterly, completely shocked.

Home school??

We had a discussion about it, and I asked Chester what gave him the idea that home schooling would be good for our kids, and he said that he didn't want our beans in public school because even though we're in a pretty good district, it's still over crowded and the middle school and high school are not exactly up to par. Of course, middle school and high school are years away, but he has his heart set on home school and I just can't wrap my head around it.

I was thinking that for elementary, we can do PS 78, but then consider Catholic schools for middle and high school. Chester was 100 percent not going for that. He has his heart set on considering home schooling, and all I can see in my mind is our kids becoming hermits in our house, afraid to go outside and all pasty and over achieving nervous introverts.

Chester laughed at me.

It's definitely safe to say that we had our wires crossed.

We talked about it more, and I started to like the idea because our kids are very intelligent (okay, I know that sounds kind of biased because I am their mama after all, but they are really smart, thinking kids) and I honestly think that they will be bored with sitting in a class room all day.

I also started liking the idea because Chester and I both want to raise our children to be good, faithful Catholics, and have those Christian values in them. They can't get that in public school and their souls are very important to me. Even with Catholic school, I think it would be confusing to them because it's so traditional.

Our parish is rather progressive, and it still references the core Catholic values, but our parish embraces a different concept about prayer and confession and the saints.

So, in my mind I've kind of compared and contrasted my children's personalities in accordance with home school versus public school versus Catholic school.

I feel like I a lawyer all over again and secretly, it gives me a bit of a thrill and…I can't believe I just admitted that.

God, why does this have to be so hard?

Well, this does concern our children's futures in education

I guess my main concern is will I be a good teacher.

I know that Chester would love nothing more than to be the teacher, but we both know that's impossible, so from the get go, it was left up to me.

He of course said that whatever I decide will be alright with him, he just always thought of home schooling as an option.

I have no idea what to do.

I've been praying about it, waiting for the right answer.

Blog moms out there…any advice?

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That Darn Disposal!

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Saturday, May 19

So, as you can guess, the disposal is a piece of crap.

It's completely…ugh.

I've been feeling pretty crappy lately myself, and while Chester and I have our disagreements every once in a while, it's not often, and it's not over little mishaps like this. We rarely argue about anything, really because Chester is just a calm, rational guy. It takes a lot for him to get angry, and I've only seen him get really angry maybe one time since we've been together which is such a blessing upon him because I know that I can be a rather frustrating wife.

Anywho, I wake up this morning as usual, only I feel all sluggish and just yucky, but I decide I'm going to press on.

So I go downstairs to the kitchen and I'm greeted with this awful smell.

Immediately, I go over to the culprit: the disposal.

Not even those scent pearls are working, and Chester swears up and down he can't smell anything, but I sure as hell can, and it's bugging me.

I turn on the hot water and drop a few pearls into it, and turn the disposal on, but then, the other side of the sink begins to back up and I can see dirty, mucky water with food bits floating around in it.

I am completely disgusted at the smell, and the kids are in the kitchen and Adam and Sam are pinching their little noses, saying "Stinky mommy!" rather happily when it is not I that is stinky.

Chester had come downstairs, and were it not for the broken disposal and my crappy mood, I would have found his dripping wet half naked body very appealing, but not this morning.

He was clutching his towel around his waist and he was looking at me like I did something wrong and I was looking at him like, "Are you going to fix it?" and that's when our morning tiff began.

So now, here I am, watching hubby put in the new disposal because try as we might, we couldn't save the poor bastard thing, so in the dumpster the old disposal went. We're both still upset at each other from this morning, and he'd left the house and headed straight for the hardware store.

It's really stupid that we're mad about a silly disposal.

Right now, I'm starting to see the sweetness of the whole situation because this is turning into a learning opportunity for Adam. Adam is right by his dad's side, watching intently and handing him the tools that Chester needs.

I can't hardly remember what else we argued about. In a marriage, arguments over little things are often the result of being frustrated over something much bigger, and we both just stopped, knowing that there's something going on between us.

I think we're just both in a funk today, because I certainly can't pin point exactly what's going on between us, really. Chester is a good, faithful husband, he's an excellent hands-on father…there isn't anything in particular that he has or hasn't done…

I guess it's just one of those days, and as long as we don't go to bed like this, I think we'll be fine.

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A Funeral

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Thursday, June 4

Yes, on Monday, I am sad to say that we had a death in the family.

The kids were absolutely devastated and they still are, even a couple of days later.

Bupkis, my dad's beloved old bloodhound mix, died on Monday at the animal hospital. He hurt his leg really badly a few weeks ago, and I do believe that's when he just kind of gave up. My dad said that Bupkis was whining and biting away at his leg and he took him to the pet hospital. Bupkis was in a lot of pain, and he was too sick so my dad had to put him down.

We all knew that it was only a matter of time before he died, but my beans were so heartbroken because they loved Bupkis with all their hearts.

Adam and Sam were asking us why Bupkis had to die and then it lead to questions about dogs going to heaven…

So we gave Bupkis a funeral, just to give Sam and Adam some closure and some understanding as to what happens after animals or people die.

They are still upset though, and I've been trying to comfort them.

I was actually kind of sad myself because my dad's had that poor dog since I was maybe fifteen, and at that time, Bupkis was already five years old. My dad found him on the side of the road and he took care of Bupkis, groomed him, fed him well and spoiled him rotten.

R.I.P. Bupkis.

Poor old dog.

Now, the kids may be sad, but Adam and Sam think they can outsmart Chester and I. They think they're slick.

I've noticed that they have been trying to parlay this situation to their advantage. They spend a lot of time with their Grandpa, so they felt that Bupkis was their dog too. Well now that he's gone, my beans have been dropping hints about getting a new dog, not to give to Grandpa to stay at his house, but one to stay at _our_ house.

Chester and I just looked at each other.

Ha!

We've got your number, Miss Sam Slick-Chick (because we just know she's the brains behind this latest scheme).

We want to see how far they're going to take this. Results are always hilarious.

Posted by: SweetieMama 1:15 PM EDT 10 Comments Submit Report Of This Post


	4. June 12 thru 27 2012

Casey on the Case AKA Mommy Extraordinaire

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Archives:

April 2012

May 2012

June 2012

-- A Funeral

-- Happy Anniversary! Happy Anniversary!

-- AHHHHHH! (Excitedly)

-- Surprise, Surprise!

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Happy Anniversary! Happy Anniversary!

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Tuesday, June 12

Our anniversary was perfect, as always!

First, Chester made me breakfast in bed, then while I lazed in the most wonderful bubble bath EVER, Chester dropped the kids off with my dad. He came back to the house with Olivia in tow, who "accidentally" made our spa day on the same day as my anniversary (coincidence, she claims). As it turns out, Chester needed to get me out of the house long enough to make our Crash Pad of a master bedroom into a luxurious boudoir again, like it used to be pre-Beans, no easy feat because that implied sweeping the dust bunnies (did I really just say "dust bunnies"? Who says that anymore? Really?) from under our bed, along with long with whatever else that may accumulate under a bed over six years, removing all stray clothes and dirty laundry from the end of the bed, the floor, and the chair and putting it into the hamper, and making it spick 'n span.

There was a time when our bedroom was chic and organized and clean…

These days, it's a piece of crap, not to say that it dampens the sexual goings on, but it's like a scrapbook for the last six years of our life together. Our whole house is like a scrapbook because we have pictures everywhere, little handprints on the wall in the upstairs hallway in different paint colors (again, Sam was the brains behind that), melted crayon stains on the chairs in the kitchen, toys all over the place, tire marks from when Adam thought it was a good idea to give his stuffed animals a ride down the stairs in his wagon, and many other things that are too numerous to put in this post.

Anyway, Chester took me to a very nice gourmet dinner courtesy of Paulsen's, only about an hour after, I got a little sick. I think it was the sauce. Still, it didn't deter from our night.

So when I came home to our bedroom looking like paradise, I was extremely ecstatic and so ready to consummate our anniversary. Chester gave me a necklace with a six diamond charm for our six years and I gave him a very nice Rolex which I've been saving forever for. He also remembered my love of orchids and he bought me some to go around the house. Orchids (the good, imported kind) do not come cheap these days, so I appreciated him for that so much.

After that, the rest of the night was slightly X-rated and H-O-T-T.

By the way, I know that's not the correct way to spell _hot_.

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AHHHHHH! (Excitedly)

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Friday, June 15

GOOD NEWS! REALLY GOOD NEWS!

I'M PREGNANT!

AHHHHHH!! WHOOO HOOO!!

Yes, we have another Bean on the way, and that explains why I've been feeling kind of yucky lately and why I can smell everything. Of course, it's not official yet until we go to the doctor, but we're pretty sure. Chester went out and bought five home pregnancy tests for me and I took them all and they all came out positive.

I can't imagine what must've been going through the clerk's head when he/she saw Chester with a small basket full of pregnancy tests. It's kind of funny.

People that know Chester and I cannot believe that we have kids. They think it's so hilarious that we have little ones running around and clinging to our legs.

But when Chester and I became serious about our relationship, we both wanted things that we never even realized we wanted before. I didn't want to wait any longer than necessary to be a wife and a mother, and he wanted a family too, so he married me, whisked me away, and the mating dances began!

Of course, we didn't go all primal like that.

Besides, what can I say?

I'm Fertile Myrtle and he's Ready Freddy.

Sexy. _wink, wink_

I can't even describe how incredibly happy I am. This is so exciting, and I can't wait to tell my dad and my brothers. Ugh, telling my dad means telling the EB too. Seriously, chills just went down my spine.

I guess Chester and I should invite them over for dinner to tell them, since I'm no longer welcome in Delilah's condo. That's fine with me. I can't stand her tacky back water decorating anyways.

Did I mention I can't stand my step-mother?

Anyways, the kids are so excited and Sam and Adam were running up to me and poking my stomach all day. It was hilarious and sweet, and Matty kept pointing at me and saying 'baby'. It was incredibly cute and

Now she has to logoff and spend some _quality_ time with her husband, AKA me anlodhaopht;a

That was Chester.

It's time for me to go perform my wifely duties, with pleasure.

Good night!

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Surprise, Surprise!

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Wednesday, June 27

I am SO excited today because my sister-in-law Maeve is in town.

I LOVE my sister! She's the most incredible woman probably on the planet. She inspires me so much, and I'm so glad that she's here! She's actually just passing through on her way to Bosnia to volunteer at an orphanage there.

She's been all over the world, she sees so many things, and her children are all so worldly and adventurous, that's how I'm completely sure that it runs in the family.

Maeve is actually from Ireland.

She's quite a free spirit and sometimes, Andrew really can't keep up with her. She's five years older than I am, and she still looks so great, that after having six kids. I love her so much and I get her for a week! YAY! Maeve is the sister I've always wanted but never had, and we compliment each other so well, and our mutual dislike of Delilah makes it even better.

I told her that she can stay at our house until she has to leave.

She's leaving on Saturday, so that gives us plenty of time to catch up. The kids love her so much, and she always sends us postcards from where ever she and Andrew are at.

She's so excited that Chester and I are having another baby, and having her here with me is just added bliss, and it just feels good having another adult female to talk to. I mean, I love Olivia, she's my best friend, but we don't get to see each other as often as we'd like because of kids, and her working. I know that she has to work because she's a single mother of a three year old.

To be honest, for some reason, the last few days, I've been feeling incredibly lonely, longing for the company of not anyone new, but someone that's familiar and my prayers were answered. Like Mary Poppins, in blew Maeve!

But she didn't blow in by umbrella.

She came via American Airlines.

Still, she blew (flew) in nonetheless.

But I am so unbelievably jealous!

Her blog is ten times better than mine! Complete with Celtic music and pictures of her travels. It's so beautiful, and she told me that it took her a while, but it was worth it.

She showed me a few tricks and I might start up my own webpage.

Tonight I'm so looking forward to it just being me and Maeve in the city.

Chester gets to stay home with our Beans tonight, which I'm sure he'll love. He's a great daddy.

And he's not one of those type of men that doesn't let his wife go out by herself or with her friends for a few hours. He always encourages me to do things for myself and to go out and decompress. It's a fair trade. He does his guy things, I do my girl things.

I think it's great that Chester will go watch some sports and throw back a few with Fin and Elliot, or with my dad. He needs that time too because he works really hard, and plus he works even harder at home to help me out and he's very much involved in our children's lives so…we all need a break every once in a while. Some adult stimulation.

It's so funny because he and my dad just a like and they get on so well like me and Maeve do.

Uh oh. It's quiet. Too quiet.

I better go.

Posted by: SweetieMama 6:12 PM EDT 9 Comments Submit Report Of This Post


	5. July 4 Thru August 15 2012

Casey on the Case AKA Mommy Extraordinaire

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Archives:

April 2012

May 2012

June 2012

July 2012

-- Independence Day? It's For the Birds

-- You're Killin' Me Smalls!

-- The EB's Secret Lovers

August

-- What (Some) Of You Have Been DIEING To Know

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Independence Day? It's For the Birds

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Tuesday, July 10

I'm posting early this morning.

For some reason, I haven't been able to sleep well. I think it's from the new Bean.

Now.

Not that I don't love my country and all…I've got much love for this country!

Yay! Whoo! Power to the people!

But Independence Day…it's so over done, and I don't know, maybe it's just hormones or something, but I just did not feel it this year. It was way hot, the parks were crowded, and it was quite an embarrassing scene with my dad and the EB in Central Park. Chester had to work, so I got stuck doing the shopping for the food with _Delilah_ while daddy watched the kids until we got back.

So after that, we packed up the kids and went to Central Park, and I tell you, I swear people thought we were some back roads hick tourists. Me and the EB scoped out a spot and we put the blanket down and everything and we got settled in. A few minutes later, here came dad, traipsing across the field with his generator, keg, Foreman grill, his big ass hibachi, and one of those coolers that roll. And (because, my few loyal readers of this blog, you know the story just keeps getting better) he had on his white shorts and a shirt that had both the Confederate and American flags on there and it read, (I'm not even joking) ALL-AMERICAN REDNECK PATRIOT. In the middle of freakin' New York.

Thank God he didn't have a mullet.

All I could think was, 1989 called, it wants its shirt back.

Sam asked me what a Redneck was, and I sighed.

But it gets better.

We happened to miss the little report about how pigeons had copulating like mad in the spring, and now there's TONS of them. Well, on July 4th, the pigeons decided that they'd enjoy the festivities too. They were swooping down on us like Kamikazes, stealing people's food, freaking people out, crapping on our parade. It completely grossed me out and I couldn't eat for the whole day.

Chester thought he was out of the room when he said that I looked like death boiled over because to top it all off, I got suburned.

Unfortunately for him, I heard him say that and I went off on him.

It was just a bad day all around.

So, I guess I'm in my…third month? I kind of stopped keeping track with like how many weeks I am after Adam. When I got pregnant with Matty, I just kind of coasted through my pregnancy, and Chester was the one that kept track. The doctor says that I'm two and a half, officially, but like I said, who's counting? As long as we have a healthy baby, I'm cool. By the way, Bean #4 is healthy and so am I. I don't really pay attention to the months and stuff that much. I just watch my belly. And my boobs.

Chester just watches my boobs.

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You're Killin' Me Smalls!

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Friday, July 20

My little ones have acquired quite the little temper lately. We know that it's not because there's another little one on the way, they're excited about that…I don't know if there's just something in the water or what.

Chester, the Beans and I were in the den just kind of…hanging out. We don't watch much TV.

Honestly, my mind is always going and my attention span is way to short for the television, and Chester just kind of blanks out or he's reading or playing with the kids.

Anyway, Chester was reading a book to Matty and I was playing Chutes and Ladders with Adam and Sam.

When Sam had to take the longest chute, she got SO mad. She cried and told me she didn't want to play anymore because she hates to lose (she so didn't get that from me). She's definitely a sore loser.

I told her that she had to finish the game. She pouted and that's when Adam stepped in and helped (not really):

He rolled his eyes and let out a long sigh and said, 'You're killin' me Smalls!'.

Chester and I cracked up! He was just so cute, and the whole moment was freakin' hilarious. Adam is so dramatic (again, I don't know where they get it from…ahem, the EB). I blame it on EB because she is the worst drama queen EVER. Well, at least if our son ever decides he wants to get into show business, at least he can say he learned from the best.

But it was just too funny because we honestly don't give our Beans enough credit. They actually do listen to everything.

Okay.

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The Sandlot? Best movie EVER.

We watch it all the time, so that explains why Adam picked up on that.

Actually, that's kind of what cemented me and Chester: our mutual love of comedies, both classic and modern. Sometimes, when we had a day off together, we would just sit and watch comedies all day long.

Together, our favorite comedy of all time: _Forget Paris_.

'Somebody better tell me about this baby or asses will be kicked!'

Classic.

But these days, mine and Chester's entertainment comes from our Beans. Who needs TV when we've got three free shows every night?

But that's the thing about little kids: they're so innocent and in want of approval that they will listen, observe, do, and say anything because they have this innate sense of responsibility. They want to be like the grown ups.

So I guess it should have come as no surprise when Sam asked if the sounds she heard coming from the master bedroom was 'tickling'. Again, that situation was the EB's doing.

Chester and I were "tickling" and I guess we were a bit too loud and Sam had gotten up sometime in the night and heard us when she was supposed to be sleeping…anyways, little kids have big ears, big mouths…

And big hearts.

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The EB's Secret Lovers

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Tuesday, July 24

Yep, it's official. Delilah's been cheating on daddy. I mean, cheating real bad, as in multiple, people. MULTIPLE!

And she does it in my house!

Oh my God, I'm an enabler! Delilah has a SERIOUS problem. I mean, big.

When she brought by Chuck, T-Bone, and Hebrews all together the first time, I knew that she had an addiction.

No, Chuck and T-Bone aren't her old boyfriends from that motorcycle gang she used to run with in her younger years, nor did she go to Temple because she's not Jewish.

No.

She brought close to twenty freakin' pounds of meat over to my house to hide in my big freezer in the basement!

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My freezer!

We don't eat beef. Sam doesn't like it, Adam will only eat hotdogs, and Chester and I just stopped cooking it because it's not healthy.

We're not like those hostile anti-meat people. We're not vegans by no means, but our Beans do eat…well their beans and other vegetables with pleasure, and they enjoy chicken, fish, and tofu. Now, we do go to the open markets and we eat and shop organically. I think organic is the best way to go, especially because I have kids who appreciate a good piece of fruit or a fresh salad or will happily and quite contentedly munch on celery and carrot sticks.

So twenty pounds of beef is so repulsive to us because we're not going to eat it.

At first, I thought that it was some kind of retarded peace offering, but then Delilah confessed that she put daddy on a diet recently and told him to give up the beef. For years, I've always thought that Delilah didn't eat beef, but come to find out, she's been getting her fill from the local butcher and then cooking it up in secret at a friend's house.

So now that she's got dad on this diet, she has to keep up the façade.

Fast forward to the twenty pounds of meat.

Me: "You didn't get involved with the mob did you?"

EB: "No. Stop being sarcastic. I won a contest at the store and the prize was a hundred dollar gift card for this premier butcher. Well, I kind of went overboard."

Me: "Really? I don't think so I mean-TWENTY POUNDS OF BEEF Delilah? For heaven's sake!"

EB: "Just hush and hide it for me!"

Thus began an argument, which she ultimately won because I felt bad for her.

So I hid the meat under the condition that she come over and cook it and eat it herself.

That was at the end of June.

So now, whenever Delilah's jonesin' for a beef fix, she'll come over and cook something. The first couple of times, it was by herself. But this last time, she brought a bunch of her friends over and I didn't like that.

Being preggers and all, my fuse with people is getting shorter and shorter, but Chester told me to grin and bear it.

Ugh.

So I've been banished upstairs. In _my_ house. In fact, all of us are up here…me, Chester and the kids are up here in the room while Delilah runs her beef speakeasy downstairs. It's shameful, and I'm pissed. Not only is she using me, but she broke my damn freezer.

She turned it down too low and then it just went on the fritz and broke.

But it's actually a good thing. She can take her meat and shove it up-

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Woo-saa

She can take the rest of her meat and take it elsewhere so that she can go intrude upon one of her friends.

GET THE HELL OUT OF MY HOUSE, EB! ARRRGGHH!

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What (Some) Of You Have Been DIEING To Know

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Wednesday, August 15

Since I announced my pregnancy to the blog world, I have been getting comments about what it was like for me and Chester pre-everything because in my old blog, I did leave my very few readers hanging with that casual non-date date thing (it was a date)…after that, I went back to writing in journals again.

I was actually dreading having to look through all that stuff down there to find the specific one, but Chester went down there for me and found my journals 'cause he's just that kind of guy.

So, here's my old journal from 2007 at the point when things got serious between me and Chester:

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Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Work has just been so terribly busy, and I can't tell you how happy I am to be home. I'm actually in the bathtub using my little stainless steel bath tray for once. These things actually DO come in handy. The water's a bit too hot, but it feels great because I seriously thought I was going to strangle someone today. How's that for irony. Prosecutor gets prosecuted. That's real nice.

Why do I think about these things? Honestly?

Last weekend, Chester and I watched Forget Paris, and it was scary how we kind of identified with Mickey and Ellen, how they had this instant connection and were completely in love just after a week in Paris…

It's so funny how we both love comedies. I mean, sometimes, we'll watch a drama or something else, but mostly, we like to laugh…

Everyone in the squad knows that me and Chester are dating and they won't let us live it down. They keep crackin' wise about it, especially Munch, and I told him that if he didn't stop it, I'd drop kick him. Fin offered me a thousand bucks to do it.

Elliot doubled that.

They think that we're totally weird because we enjoy Napoleon Dynamite more than the average person.

What's weird about that? I'm sure a lot of people love Napoleon Dynamite. It's a classic.

They laugh, but I'm having the best time of my life. I'm happy. Genuinely happy.

I realized that at the part when Mickey was throwing everybody out of the game…I really like who I am, and he brought out a part of me that I thought I'd lost. He likes to make me happy, he likes seeing me happy and he does BS around with us or his feelings or my feelings.

God…Forget Paris made me fall in love with Chester.

What??

I love Chester. I'm in love with Chester.

Wow…

I love him.

But this should come as no surprise to me.

I think it's a sign, a very long make out session on the front porch for the neighborhood to see after the first date that was strictly (at least in my mind) casual. He was a gentleman and walked me to my door, and then he made his move and I let him.

Okay…now what do I do?

Okay, enough mushy stuff.

So anyway, for some reason lately, I've been eating a lot of frozen pizza. I don't know what the deal is with that. And it's different kinds too: pepperoni, sausage, veggie, three cheese, French bread…it's not time for my period yet, but I'm bloated as hell and I need to give it a rest so that I look good on Friday.

Olivia thinks that it's just one of those weird inexplicable female cravings.

It's completely disgusting. Maybe I just need the carbs or something.

Mm. The lavender smells really good and now I'm sleepy.

I better get out of here before I become the focus of one of those tacky urban legends shows. Okay, it's kind of my guilty pleasure. I love the one where this guy wanted to play a practical joke on his best friend by making him think that he hanged himself. Well, he used some kind of contraption that made it look believable, and the friend walks in and is literally scared to death. Like the guy just THUD…or BOOM…whatever onto the floor and he doesn't get up. How's that for some frickin' irony!

I hated to laugh, but I did. I laughed so. Hard.

Of course, if someone found me drowned in the bathtub 'cause I went into REM…that's not too amusing.

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	6. August 18 Thru 29 2012

Casey on the Case AKA Mommy Extraordinaire

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Archives:

April 2012

May 2012

June 2012

July 2012

August 2012

-- What (Some) Of You Have Been DIEING To Know

-- House-Warming Hell

-- Mr. Tattles and the Cuddles

-- Flies NOT Included

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House-Warming Hell

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Saturday, August 18

I am DEFINITELY showing! I woke up a couple of days ago to this wonderful, pudgy bump and it just makes me so excited. Because before that, I would have a little pudge at night and in the morning, it would sort of be gone, but my clothes were tight. But now, I officially have a bump and it makes me so unbelievably happy.

So, we have some new neighbors. The Santorini's are an old couple who just immigrated here from Greece and moved into their house a week ago. They're in their seventies, and I thought that they'd be really sweet. I was so freakin' wrong. I guess my sixth sense with reading people is off.

I invited Olivia and Serena over for dinner last night because I was craving chicken parmesan. Also, I was missing on my hubby. Chester's out of town on a case this weekend, and that's inconvenient for me because I really want to jump his bones right now…

So anyway, Olivia makes the BEST green bean casserole I've ever had. I mean…just awesome. She said that her mother taught her how to make it and that it sustained her during college.

It was perfect because she makes delicious green bean casserole, and I make the most wonderful, savory pound cake.

Well, things were going great until I got the brilliant idea that I would make a second pound cake for our new neighbors.

So I baked the cake and Liv put the finishing touches on it: the cream and then the fresh strawberry sauce in the middle, and we both took it over to the Santorini's. I rang the doorbell and then Mrs. Santorini opened the door. Liv and I both smiled as we presented the cake.

ME: Good evening, Mrs. Santorini. I just wanted to welcome you and your husband to the neighborhood and I brought you a freshly baked pound cake.

MRS. SANTORINI: Go to hell!

With that, she took the plate from me and she stalked over to my driveway and dumped the cake on there, and it became a splatter of cake, red, and white, all over my driveway!

She came back to the porch and shoved the plate back into my hands.

MRS. SANTORINI: He not my husband! He my brother! My husband die in Turkey!

And, just to make the evening that much better, she spit.

She. Spit.

Liv and I were scared out our wits and we took off toward my house. I ushered the kids inside too, because Mrs. Santorini and her brother don't like the sight of happy children in addition to their hatred for pound cake.

I was really sad about my pound cake.

Posted by: Sweetie Mama 4:15 PM EDT 18 Comments Submit Report Of This Post

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Mr. Tuttles and the Cuddles

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Monday, August 20

I had this really freaky dream-actually it was a nightmare-that I was the director of a preschool show. It was called _Mr. Tuttles and the Cuddles_ and it was like that weird show, H. R. Puffinstuff. As a little kid, I hated that damn show, and I think it came back to haunt me. Seriously.

It was all psychedelic with the bright colors and these weird disco lights. There was insane music and the Cuddles were like those things from _The Langaliers_, only without the snarling, sharp teeth, and appetite for human flesh. Mr. Tuttles looked like Christopher Lloyd. Yeah, scary. I was the director and everything that could possibly happen behind the scenes of a kid show was happening: one of the Cuddles was doing the nasty with the prop manager, Mr. Tuttles AKA Christopher Lloyd look-a-like, was in the back alley smoking a joint, and the other Cuddles were duking it out over the last piece of pound cake at the craft service table.

I, as the director, felt suicidal, and I was in my "office" which magically turned into the squad room yelling at Cragen to get my people under control. He stood up and he pushed me out of his office, assuring me that everything would be fine, then the entire squad was the cuddles with guns and Cragen was Mr. Tuttles!

I finally woke up, that after Chester shook my shoulder, telling me that I was talking in my sleep.

I told him thank you for waking me up from that horrific nightmare.

I've been having strange dreams lately, as you can see.

So now I'm up. Chester is off today, and I told him that I'd make him a big breakfast. He got back from Boston late last night, and he has a couple of days off.

He missed me terribly, and he was surprised to see my tummy when he got back and he told me that I look even more sexy than when he left me. I got my wish and we…tickled. For a long time. We tickled three times.

Okay, since I posted my old journal entry, I've had the greatest comments coming in:

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GeorgiaBelles5:

'SweetieMama, I have five children, and I home school, so most of my day is scheduled and busy, but I must say that when things wind down, your blog is my guilty pleasure. Some women like bon-bons, some women like Lifetime, some like chocolate…I LOVE your blog. When I'm reading your blog, I'm like my husband during football season. I get selective hearing because it's just so good and so fun. I think you're so sweet and congratulations on your new baby on the way!'

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Lulu-Bee49-3-45:

'your last entry about when you and your husband were dating was so funny! you remind me so much of miranda from sex and the city because she was a lawyer, she was a mom, and evn though she worked hard, she never lost her spark or her humor. i also love your babies! so adorable. mine are all grown up and now it's just me and my husband, so reading about your babies and your love for your husband and friends just brings back so many wonderful memories and it makes my empty nest just a little fuller. thank you.

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catluvr21:

'I just got married to my HS sweetheart, and he always looks at me funy when I read ur blog. It seriously makes me LOL. I would love to read about you being a newly wed, just so I can get some advice!'

And here's my favorite one:

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starryeyesurprises37:

'are we going to get some steamy action from your old journals? I love your blog so much, and I can't tell you how anxious I am to read more of your old journal entries. I'm like biting my nails waiting for another pre-Beans moment. plz, for the love of all things holy, get to the goods!'

I laughed when I read that comment because it was just so hilarious! There are a few steamy moments, but even though it was my private journal, I never really went into detail, but there are some sexy moments in there, so…just to keep you readers out there salivating.

I know. I'm so bad.

Posted by: Sweetie Mama 3:39 AM EDT 34 Comments Submit Report Of This Post

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Flies NOT Included

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Wednesday, August 29

Since my tummy's getting bigger, I have to start wearing maternity clothes. But I don't like the high fashion, skin tight pieces of fabric that show off the belly area. I will break out my mammy dresses and mom's old housecoats in a minute. I've always dressed modestly because I've never been comfortable with my body and my job kind of made it easy to dress conservatively. But I mean, I've always been a jeans and tee-shirt kind a girl, and I just like to cover up.

My sister in-law Maeve gave me all of her old maternity clothes when I was pregnant with Adam, and I LOVE them. They're big and outdated fashion wise, but they serve the same purpose. My body is for hubby only and Chester doesn't mind the old clothes because I think it kind of excites him, knowing what's underneath and all.

But right now, he's thinking with his brain, (dammit) and he's a little upset at me right now.

Here's what happened:

I took the Beans into the city to the Museum of Natural History, and after that, we ventured into a thrift store.

Chester HATES flea markets, thrift stores and dollar stores. I don't know what his hang up about those are because I love them. I mean, I grew up in the middle of nowhere Virginia, and thrift stores are just a way of life. I go in thrift stores for scarves and stuff for my hair and sometimes a knit purse or two.

This time, I went in search for some cute vintage maternity wear.

So, weirdest thing ever. I go to the pants section and there's no zippers!

I mean, NONE of the pants have zippers!

There's no flies!

My Beans got a kick out of that, and my facial expression.

I go up to the clerk and tell him about the non-fly pants and the girl, she was maybe sixteen or seventeen, caved.

TANYA: Oh my God, please don't tell my manager. It was my boyfriend Troy and his stupid friends. The manager fired my boyfriend a few months back and as a practical joke, he cut the flies off the donation pants and he cut a hole in the skirts so that they're ass-less…I'm trying to fix it.

I'm all understanding and I nod.

But it gets better:

ME: I'm not going to tell your manager. Tell you what? I'll buy all the pants and skirts and take them off your hands so you won't get in trouble.

TANYA: Sure. Thanks so much!

So Tanya helps me get all the ass-less and fly-less apparel and she helps me load it into the car. We get home, and I just drop all the clothes in the middle of the floor in the den. That's when the error of my ways is obvious to me.

Chester arrived home and my Beans are lying on top of a heap of old, dusty clothes, I'm sitting on the couch with my chin in my palms, elbows resting on my knees, and he's standing there in the vestibule, scowling at me.

CHESTER: What did you do?

I explained the whole story to him, and the look on his face…_clearly_ expressed his disapproval of the whole situation, and I felt a little upset because I did something good. I helped a young girl keep her job. I feel pretty darn good.

CHESTER: Yeah, but now we have a pile of clothes that came from God knows where. And you have our kids lying on top of them…what if they get…tetanus or something? Or some kind of skin rash?

ME: Really, babe? _Tetanus_?

Even deeper scowl.

After we ate dinner and then put the Beans down for the night, Chester and I tried to figure out what to do with the clothes.

And I, genius that I am, came up with a solution:

ME (excitedly): I have the greatest idea ever for these fly-less/ass-less clothes!

CHESTER: Burn them?

ME: I'm going to buy a sewing machine and learn to sew!

Another scowl.

CHESTER (pregnant pause, oh the irony): And I'm going to bed.

Posted by: Sweetie Mama 10:23 PM EDT 14 Comments Submit Report Of This Post

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